So, after yesterday's 'issues' things seem to have settled down quite quickly. Judah went to school today after all, which is great, and everything is open and there arent any burning cars on the road like there were between our house and airport yesterday afternoon. Josh came home yesterday at 4pm from his sling loading trip with Helimission to tell me - after i had had such a relaxing and quiet day, sigh - that there had been another coup attempt, that there were barrages on the road to the airport and that he had had to come home the long way around. This photo was taken, not by me, 3 minutes from our house. That's Gastro Pizza, for those who are familiar with such locales.

photo nytimes.

I hope nothing will come of this all because even just the flare up yesterday brought me unpleasant memories and feelings that resurfaced from last crisis. yuck. I'd rather not go through that again.

I hear the happy sounds of children playing at the dining room table with Judah's Playmobile horse stable and gas station sets. He rarely plays with it on his own because, i think, he forgets how fun it really is. Nothing like children who dont have Playmobile at home to make your own toys look fantastic again! Fanja's children are over to play this afternoon because today is the referendum vote for the country of Madagascar, hence a day off for everyone. I like when they come over because our house is full of children speaking a mixture of French, English and Malagasy and our toys all get a good workout.

I will not make any comments about the referendum because my opinions will just get me into trouble. haha.

Yesterday, in addition to giving up Facebook, i decided to also give up commercial shampoo and deodorant. I've got the ingredients for the shampoo and rinse, but not for the deodorant yet so... haha. I happened upon a blog i like to visit (it happens to be the one i got the shoulder bag tutorial from and i like her blog also because she lives in the southern hemi and talks about summer when i have summer, you know what i mean) and she wrote about d.i.y. cosmetics. I followed her links and one thing led to another and now i'm using baking soda to wash my hair and apple cider vinegar for a rinse. At first i was skeptical that this idea would work on my hair since its terribly yucky in the morning and i cant go a day without washing it... but upon first day trial i was convinced that i had stumbled upon a great thing! Wowzers. Not only was my hair clean, but shiny, soft and it didnt smell like vinegar at all. Anyway, so now i'm thinking i need to investigate how much these things cost in Mada before i think i'm going to switch 100% because if baking soda is impossible to find in bulk and more expensive than shampoo... well.

I found it funny though that many of the bloggers discussing these d.i.y. cosmetics were worried at being seen as "dirty hippies". I suppose i can understand that sentiment, but i haven't any such qualms. (unsurprisingly to those who know me from Canada, heehee) First, because i come from Winnipeg where there are many proud 'dirty hippies' haha, because i worked at CMU where smelly commercial products are forbidden due to their scent free policy (http://www.cmu.ca/pdfs/blazer_winter06.pdf), and because i currently live in Madagascar where deodorant is... optional, shall we say. I'm doing this because i can understand the fact that commercial beauty products are potential dangerous to your health and i like the idea of being less 'chemical' in my own home. If i could find borax in this country i would also make my own laundry soap. One step at a time i suppose.

Today the photo of the day (haha, as if i do that anymore) was this one:

which i took for my dear old dad who asked me what packing bins we normally use when coming from Canada to Madagascar. They're planning to use the same ones for when they come in 19 DAYS!! (ok, actually 18 days until they arrive, but 19 until Judah sees them - that's what the countdown chain is counting down at our house). I look at that photo and think to myself of all the Christmassy goodies that will arrive in it. Chortle, chortle! I am also thinking about the fact that i have 18 days until i have to have the house all ready for 6 extra adults to stay. haha. And before that there are two boys' birthdays to plan/execute (the parties need to be executed, not the boys) and i'm already stressing about my own expectations for the birthday cakes. ACK! I have only invited the Malagasy people who work in our compound for Asher's apres-dejeuner cake party. They're the ones who spend the most time with him anyway... well, i may spur of the moment have some others over, but we'll see how i'm feeling. Judah's party, i'm debating, will happen either on his birthday Dec 3, or after my parents arrive sometime during the week of Dec 5. We'll see. Popular vote now: fondant or no? Any theme suggestions? Judah has no brilliant ideas. I was thinking fish. ...i should really steep in some of those party blogs i was on a few weeks ago... although i wonder if that wouldnt heighten my expectation/stress quotient. haha. arent moms of small children silly?

Judah's puking has stopped (knock on wood). Apparently it could have been due to worms crawling up his esophagus in the night while he lay horizontal, thereby tickling his tummy and causing him to puke. That would explain why he was fine during the day and only puked at night. Anyway, we've given him another dose of vermox and hopefully the worms will leave him be. We've had enough of sleepless nights.

Anyway, i should go do something that doesnt involve a computer. Watch the children play outside maybe. My supper is simmering in the slowcooker, so i neednt do anything in the kitchen (smug smile).

ttfn

---

Since i wrote the above blog entry there has been another coup, or so they say. There was some 'action' here on our side of town between our house and the airport - burning cars and whatnot. Josh had to go the long way around to get home from his flight. Apparently now the fuss is all over in our neighbourhood, although we'll stand by to see what develops as it's unclear whether there has been a military takeover or only an attempt...

Facebook blows. I'm not posting there that i dont check anymore, but i'm not. I've moved onto bigger and better things... and it aint Twitter!

Today is Sunday. We're home from church today because a) Asher was on Canadian time last night... and b) Judah keeps talking about feeling like puking. As he was coming downstairs from fetching himself a puke pail he said, "i'll puke into the pail while i'm watching a movie". haha. that was his way of saying, please can you put a movie on for me.

Last night we had 'the guys' over for supper - bbq'd filet in fresh tortillas. yum. we've noticed that we no longer have couple friends who dont have any kids. 'the guys' have therefore become our late night socializing of choice. haha. The thing about kids is, if we go out to someone's house for supper we have to leave around 7 to get the boys in bed, and invariably we're only eating at 6. It's not a recipe for any amount of socializing. Similarly if we invite people with kids to our house. So, when we're in the mood for being social the single guys who live in the MAF guest house come down - they're surely excited to eat a meal they dont have to cook - and they can stay as long as they want... or until we kick them out of our house because we're ready for bed. Last night we pulled out the Guitar Hero, which was a riot, we havent played that in ages!!

During the day yesterday Josh had to fly in the morning and took Judah with him. I spent the day gardening and am now suffering the after effects of it. ow. But i have to say, i'm pretty content (right now) with the garden and the house. Invariably when the rainy season starts up again i'll change my tune to something like, 'i want to move, this house is so moldy!' haha. I am quite discouraged with the state of our deck furniture though. Bamboo isnt the most solid of furniture especially if it's left out in the rain. We're planning to replace it with money from Grampa Peters... if we can find the Bamboo market and if we dont get caught in some kind of political protest.

The political climate is rising again here in Tana. This Wednesday is a referendum vote on the changes in the constitution. I find it amusing to ask my workers and tutor if and what they're voting and why. There have been and will assuredly be more protests downtown in opposition to the referendum. We're not evacuating the country because of it though, like in Sudan due to their referendum vote. Friday i drove into town on my own to pick up a few things. There was an obvious presence of military 'might' in many areas. For example, at the grocery store there are army guys with machine guns. They are posted intermittently along the road as well. Presumably it's to keep the rabble in line. Prayer for a killing-free referendum would be gladly appreciated.

Our 'mango rains', which should happen around the end of October and through November seem to have come for 3 days and gone. It's a terrible state of affairs not only for my garden (haha) but for the Malagasy and their rice fields. During this period in time when the aid money has stopped flowing into the country life is difficult already, without a good harvest it will be even more difficult. Everything is very dry and not growing well.

Our newest form of entertainment is watching Asher dance. Josh has downloaded all 100 episodes of Ducktales for Judah to watch and Asher is particularly enamored with the Ducktales song. His bum bounces along almost every episode. It's terribly cute.

The day before the boys' room almost burnt down i hosted the women's Beth Moore study in my house. Thus, the boys and their dad were banished upstairs for the evening. They spent their pre-bed time making a fort which Judah slept in - much to his subsequent benefit since the melting episode happened right under his bed.

Judah reading in the fort. Pretty cool, huh. That Josh is so creative!

 
The agapanthus are just starting to spill out of their buds atop their tall and stately stems. It's marvelous. Most of the blooms are taller than Judah is. I'm so thankful that my parents will be here to see them in their full glory.

Enjoying the reading nook. I filled the fireplace, which we never use, with wood Josh cut with the new chainsaw blade. The wood from our tree cutting a few months back has now all been cut and stashed away for next year's winter... although i hope not to be here for a bit of it for visiting friends in neighboring islands. Asher, unfortunately, loves to pry out the smaller sticks from here and carry them about the house, leaving them to trip unsuspecting people.

My friends Tanja and Gerd just got the court's agreement to take their new daughter home from the orphanage after a year and a half? of waiting. Although there wasnt the nightmare of last time's adoption process (fearing the authorities would take their child  - Fanilo, Judah's friend - away after he had already been living in their home for a year) it was a long and tiring process for them. Thankfully they are living here so they were able to visit her in the orphanage while they waited for the paperwork to go (slowly) through. In celebration of their new 'baby' (she's 19? months, but weighs less than Asher does at not-yet-12-months) i made Tanja a lamba bag with matching diaper clutch.

Another new activity in our compound involves the people living across the fence by the lake. Until now they have been very stand-offish to us, but recently (perhaps due to the death of the original landowner? he was a bit of a proprietal prude as i understand) the people fishing in the lake have been very generous with giving the Mpitaiza (nannies) fish for a) eating with the Malagasy staff lunch group and b) giving to the compound children for entertainment. We took one inside as a fish in a fish bowl, much to Judah's utter delight (he's been asking for a pet fish for months already) but the next morning the fish was belly up. Shame. I did get to keep the aesthetically pleasing pond plants for my house though. The dead fish was summarily tossed and replaced with another one, this time kept in the kiddie pool with the thought that perhaps the small fish bowl for a large (adult hand sized) fish was possibly too claustrophobic. I think it lasted a few more days and was the source of proud display to all and every visitor who came by. But it has since succumbed as well and was probably the source of gastronomic pleasure for the day guard.
 

we've been sans internet for the last few days. i confess that i've enjoyed the freedom, although i'm curious to know what's going on in virtual reality. alas. oh, and i see the internet has blinked off again while i'm just writing this. haha.

It was in part due to the fact that the powerbar that holds all our modems, router, etc. melted into the carpet... right underneath Judah's bed. It reeks in the boys' room since tuesday of burnt plastic and melted carpet. Praise God that the carpet is not flamable! egad!!

Anyway, that's where we've been. In case you were wondering. I may or may not be able to update you in the day(s) to come.

j

Although Asher continues to grow like a weed, it has been Judah in the last few weeks that has demonstrated the most growth. I am so proud of the big brother he is becoming. He is so helpful when i ask him to get things for me or for Asher when we're tied up doing something (like eating) and he also discerns often how to best help Asher when they're on their own playing or whatever. Usually in the mornings Asher wakes up first and alternately talks to himself or schlems as he feels led that morning. Now that Judah is in the same room with him (we're prepping for December when bedroom space will be at a premium) he is wakened earlier and will invariably pull Asher out of his crib and they will trot off together to Dad's side of the bed (smug smile). Often i hear Judah conscientiously close the gate at the top of the stairs as he goes by so that Asher wont be tempted to pitch down them while unattended. There are innumerable other ways he helps Asher out or entertains him when needed that i cannot list them all. Suffice it to say that Judah is a remarkable big brother and i am so thankful for him!

Judah has also been coming up with French phrases and declarations at home during the course of the day. Just yesterday, for example, he was playing with Josh and Ash on the carpet in the living room when Asher said some baby garble to which Judah responded, "he just said, "un renard", that means "fox" in french." (ok, i'll confess that i didnt know that. I had to go look up how to write it just now in the dictionary so i could write it here). He says these kinds of things often - just out of the blue saying, "Mom, do you know what ______ means?" Usually i know the vocabulary he's asking about, but i'm not doubting that in the next short while he'll be surpassing me in vocabulary. It's a bit unsettling actually... ack!

He's also starting to pick up more Malagasy words, most likely because he sees me studying it and wants to be in on the action. I find it humorous to hear him speak Malagasy with a sort of Italian accent. "Tsara be-ah" for example.

He is becoming increasingly brave not only in the pool, where he used to just stand around and now he "swims" with his face in the water!!, but also with jumping off high buildings his play structure with zip-line handle in a firm grip. He just learned how to climb up the hanging rope with the knots all the way up to the cross beam of the swing set. He's also learning to put sounds together in early attempts at reading. Yikes! Although i'm ready for him to be able to read on his own, i cant believe that i am a mother of a 5 year old already. Jeepers!

---

I have to add an additional comment or two to the previous blog to which my dear friends commented about the quilt and our workers.

1. i confess that i had my househelp lady finish the quilting for me. I didnt do it myself. I think had just under half finished on my own, then waited 2.5 years, and then when i realized that my lady does embroidery and was asking for more work on the side i thought to ask if she wouldnt mind completing my project. i paid her for it. I still need to do the binding. She was thrilled with the task and completed it overnight (! - ok, that made me a bit flabbergasted since it's taken me so long to get to that point in the quilt and she just finished it in a night) and was eager to do another one when i had it pieced together. So! horray for me and horray for her!

2. letting my children hang with the help has taken MANY years of mental preparation. i still have the gut reaction to snatch Asher away when he toddles to the day guard, but it's a work in progress and i want to be someone who is able to let them develop those relationships. One major difference between our workers and yours, C, is that your workers are only there for a short time while mine are here for years! And in most instances we are their only 'client' which means they are more willing and susceptible to build relationship with us than if we were just someone they worked for occasionally.

I finally finished that reading nook i may have mentioned a few blogs back. I cut the cushions myself from an old foam mattress and sewed piped covers for them. I dream of doing a before and after house decor entry or two just because it's apparent to me as i anticipate my family coming again after 4 years since their last visit that lots has changed in the last few years at our house!

My baby is almost 1.

That behind Asher is the quilt i started... 3? years ago which has finally been quilted. I think more than a year ago i made some crack about starting a quilt that would hopefully be finished before the birth of my second child... that was before i was even pregnant. haha.

Sorry, these photos all look alike, i'm posting them mainly for my parents' benefit so they have more to choose from for their updated desktop photo.

As for the watermark title 'steaksauce!", it's mostly due to the "How I Met Your Mother" episode. It comes from "A 1" which i thought was apt in this instance.

Before we came to Madagascar i read the book by Daniel Coleman "The Scent of Eucalyptus", which is his memoirs of growing up as a missionary kid in Ethiopia. In the photos of that book there is a picture of him as a child in the wheelbarrow in some obviously african setting with a gardener or some sort of african worker wheeling it about. I've since seen other missionary families with similar type shots and i have come to think of it as the quintessential missionary child photo. Something about it says, here is a child obviously reveling in the fact that they have great people of other cultures in close relationship with them, playing with them, teaching them things they wouldnt get from just their parents. It became apparent to me yesterday as i saw my boys embody this experience that we have graduated to a new level of intimacy with those who work with us at our house. We have grown to trust them explicitly and love them like extended family. It made my heart swell watching how my boys willingly go to any one of our workers and also the day guard Mamonjy to be lifted up or helped with something, judah spends lots of time pottering about the garden asking Solo questions and i am learning to just let that relationship grow rather than stifle it by thinking Judah is being a bother. I totally believe that they are richer kids because of these relationships and after years of wishing for it i do believe we've actually arrived.

In September, before we (re)planted our front grass (for the 4th time in our tenure at this house!) we told Solo that we were really hoping that the grass would be nice by the time Jocelyn's family arrived - just so that everything looks perfect for their visit . He asked when they would be coming and when we told him December his eyes bulged out a bit. Ha, poor guy, no pressure! But now it's only the beginning of November and the grass is like a putting green! Josh once made the remark to Solo that we could tell my dad to bring his putter along because the grass was so nice and ever since Solo repeats some comment about golfing every time we stand back together to admire his handiwork. Apparently he asks the cleaning ladies to pray with him for his garden on a regular basis. haha. He's my kind of gardener, that one. Unfortunately my burgeoning border plants are now taller than the ceder hedge surrounding the yard. Josh thinks it's better this way so that everyone can see our beautiful garden from the driveway. ha. It's amazing though that every year i forget in October that once the mango rains start everything just jumps up and grows thick and lush. It's just so incredible.

Asher with Fanja.

Well, if I would have been home without my spouse all weekend I would have blogged at least once! haha. I suppose blogging isnt high on Josh's priority list for things to do when he has free time. alas for you all.

I was at a retreat this last weekend with the missionary ladies of Madagascar. I normally hate dont prefer going on retreats - i get stressed out about the prospect of not getting enough sleep and being generally uncomfortable. But this year i determined that i would go (if only to get away from my boys for a few days haha), much to the surprise of some people (apparently my distaste for retreats has leaked out).

We went to Lake Montasoa, about 2.5 hours of slow driving from our end of town. Slow because we have to navigate through the city and then after a short while of highway driving we must navigate with 4x4 wheels on very bumpy, potholed "roads". I said to my driving mate that i realized i had become one of those city people i used to sneer at, those who think it takes too much effort to get out of town for a respite and so never take the opportunity to do so, but once i get out of the city i realize that it was well worth the not-as-much-effort-as-i-thought it took to get there. Driving through rice fields now so psychedelic green with new growth, through small villages with earthy people doing simple things that are so beautiful. It was refreshing just getting there. Once we got to the retreat center, a camp run by Scripture Union, i determined to have a good time despite the sleepless nights i was destined to have. I wasnt disappointed. I met new missionary women, got to know others better and was challenged by Beth Moore to love well. We took the weekend retreat series Loving Well and, despite the major and continuous technical difficulties (power cuts, missing adapters, etc etc etc) those in charge bricolaged the retreat together and we were blessed as we expected we would be.

There were 20? of us who attended the retreat. it's the 3rd one that's been put on, but the first one i've attended for reasons i've already confessed.

Just a few highlights:

God will not give through us what we do not let Him give to us. (that is, love)

The degree to which we are experiencing anxiety and insecurity we are not allowing God's love to accomplish it's goal in us.

Staying up at the house of a lovely British couple, where the extra 2 beds and a mattress on the floor were since the ‘Ezra’ house was chocablocked full! I’m a Student Lifer by ‘profession’ (that is, used to hordes of loud and excited people) but I confess I find it exceedingly more comfortable to have a quiet place to retreat to when it’s time for bed and when I get up in the morning (one of the reasons I’ve developed a distaste for retreats). Our quiet conversations with our hostess and the two South African women I stayed with prior to bed and at 6am when all our biological clocks woke us up despite best intentions to sleep in because our kids weren’t around to wake us were a delight.

I also really appreciated the bucket showers although I confess I was nervous about them prior to arrival.

 

(Above) Our hot water for showers heating on the coal fire outside.

(Below) The beauty and refreshingly not dirty-city-like scenery of Montasoa.

 

this is the lake (above) that the Ezra house (where we had our retreat) overlooked. So lovely!

(Above) The view of Ezra house from the lake road.

A conviction that we need to love better the Malagasy we live by and the missionary women we don’t live near – that is, those who live in more isolated areas and don’t have easy access to Shoprite, Jumbo, Beth Moore studies within a 5 minute drive distance, etc. It has become something I will try to work on personally since I have more access to them than most since MAF visits these areas relatively often. I welcome prayers in this regard as I can tell that it may turn into something that will appear more work than it’s worth.

The realization that I missed my boys. I was SO EXCITED to get away! from them on Friday, but then found myself wanting to hold the baby who came along for the weekend because I missed my own.

The cheap plants I ripped out of the ground along the road on the way back and also bought from the sellers. (I have a weakness for plants, in case you didn’t know).

Whoa I almost forgot we, I mean Joc still has this blog and that I should leave a post now and again.  I thought since we have been inundated with flying for the last 4 weeks or so I would share one of my flying days.  To be honest I am having a hard time separating days and flights as everything seems to be mixing into one long month.  I am not complaining as the flying has been a blast, just a little more than I needed at one time.

Anyhow because I brought my camera along on one of these flights I will pass on some details and pictures for those who may still be interested.

The flight in question was a vaccine campaign that was booked about 4 days before it happened.  That in itself was a huge stress for me as I had to come up with two available days in an already completely booked schedule, as well as finding 12 hours that we could put on the aircraft before the next scheduled maintenance.  You may not find that stressful, but I did, big time.  In the end though we managed to move some things around and pulled it off.

Vaccine campaigns are normally one of my favorite flights to do because there is no one in the back to complain about the bumpy ride or get sick in a bag because of the heat, just boxes and they don't normally complain.  The other thing about these flights is it's a full day of flying and you get to visit about 10 villages dropping off the vaccines and then heading off to the next place.  This particular day we were in the air by 6:00 which meant being at the hangar to load at about 5:00.  My colleague Patrick Keller split the flying with me that day in order that we could give each other a hand unloading and also to talk theology while enroute.

To be honest there is not a lot to tell about these flights which is why I like them so much.  Makes for a terrible story but that's life.  We made it in to all the destinations delivering the vaccines, miraculously there was someone at each place to meet us and pick up the boxes, so all in all it was quite uneventful. Again I would say the events happened leading up to the flight, once everything was on board things went quite smoothly.  Below for interest sake you can see a few sights of what I saw that day on my delivery run.

5:00 getting ready to load with destinations kept separate.

Loaded and ready to head off
 
First light over the city
   

It's not mist or fog it's smoke.

First stop

Third stop

Again

Local termites, better off the runway than on but.....

Just leaving Besalampy

Cooling off in Amabatomainty

 
 
  Despite what looks to be white sand we are no where near the ocean, this place is like a dessert, but it made for a great photo

So that is a little of what my day looked like.  A lot of flying, some great conversation with my colleague and 7 villages set up to start giving needles.
 

Guess where we were today.

Guess what time it is.

Shame.

But i did manage to get some family photos taken. This is one of the out takes because my eyes are closed. Notice the glass shards on top of the wall...

Yesterday en route to Lac Anosi Judah was entertaining Asher in the backseat. After some shouts of laughter from the Younger we hear the Older say "it's your turn!" (!) We asked what they were doing back there, to which the Older responds,
"We're playing 'schlack, schlack'."
"Schlack-schlack? What's that?"
"It's a game! (duh)"
"How do you play it?"
"Well,... . i say "schlack-schlack" and then put the spoon into his hand. Asher does nothing."

A few nights ago i went to Judah's room to turn his bedside lamp off. He's taken to 'reading' before he goes to sleep. I found him singing some interesting theology to himself, "God, you are a big whale that swallowed Jonah! God you are so big. (inspirational humming)". He comes up with the strangest interpretations of the stories he hears from the Bible, which i suppose we all would if we weren't to do theology within community. One thing i appreciate about Judah is that he often sings impromptu praise songs to God.

It's been cooler the last few days, and windy! Which i suppose is good since we've hoards of things to get done at home in the next few weeks and hot weather would only make us think we needed to hang out at the pool. Josh is just staining the new steps for the 'tree' house and i overheard him saying to Judah that he was planning to also build a new bridge.

I'm still inside sewing up a storm. Almost finished the 'reading nook' cushions upstairs. (pictures will promptly follow) and have started on Christmas pressies. The beds in our house are all in a 'fruit basket upset' just now but hopefully we can get them taken apart and moved to the correct spot soon - the turmoil is tiring to my eyes. ha. Asher is attempting again to learn to sleep in Judah's room. Soon Judah will join him there and we'll see if they can co-habit at night time without waking each other up - this in preparation for when all our rooms will be full with relatives. I've also got a Christmas colour newsletter to assemble before the 15th. Strangely, blogging continues to be high on my priority list. I suppose in the future i'll be glad of it, but just now it's a dumb task as it doesnt seem to produce much of anything and seems to drain a lot of my time.

I mentioned briefly on Facebook how i met some Lithuanians at the cafe where Josh and i were taking lunch on Thursday. We rolled up to the cafe on the motorbike and saw a tour bus drive up at the same time. Knowing the wait time for food when the place is full we quickly raced ahead of them and ordered our "big hamburger". The group came out and sat down near to us on the veranda. I heard them speaking Russian. It was such a strange meeting of very different worlds. Here i was dressed in a sundress, they were dressed for a northern winter. It was HOT out. I wondered for a long time where they were from and whether they would mind terribly if i asked them... so i did. I asked if they were from Russia (well, they WERE speaking Russian) to which they replied that they were from Lithuania. Ha. "No way!" i said. "I used to work there for 3 years!!" And so we got to talking. They are from Kaunas whereas i lived and worked in Klaipeda. They had vaguely heard of LCC. I asked them what had made them choose to come to Madagascar for vacation. One guy said, "The movie." haha. Anyway, talking with them made me feel homesick for Lithuania again. It's not that i'm unhappy here. It's just that... Lithuania - the country - is my first love. It's hard to forget her, hard not to want to go back. To be fair though, i reckon that should i ever go back i'll realize that it's the experiences that made it what it is in my memory. Madagascar is still pushing her roots into my heart and i suppose that when we're called to leave i will feel the same kind of nostalgia for this place.