July 6, 2010
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Argh!
Of all base passions, fear is most accurs’d.
Shakespeare.Because a thing seems difficult for you, do not think it impossible.
Marcus Aurelius.The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heav’n of hell, a hell of heaven.
Milton.Have you ever suddenly realized amidst a terrible time of life that God is very present, and is using this dark night of the soul to shape you for His good purpose? If nothing else, a quick glimpse of such a truth can give hope to endure the remainder of what may otherwise seem to be a never-ending battle with the worst enemy of all, that which draws breath with my self same lungs. To be sure, no one wants to read blog entries about depression, general anxiety disorder, or similar malaises of the mind. I know that full well. Unfortunately, amidst such a battle it’s difficult to write about anything else with much passion. But, for my own sake as much as to witness to the glory of God, I can say within this darkness and struggle that the Enemy CAN be beaten back, if only a small step at a time, and he seems to make the mistake of pushing too hard for too long, which can only push a child of God towards Life rather than away from it. I like to know that my enemy makes mistakes.
What amazes me in times such as this (although the Enemy uses this same point at times to cause doubt) is how and why the Lord Almighty would choose a broken person such as myself to serve overseas in His name. Overseas where the struggle can undoubtedly be harsher if only due to its foreign nature. The fact that i am here, someone who battles mental illness at times, doing what we’re doing in a strange and foreign land only attests to the Truth that with God all things are possible. That God has chosen the foolish and weak things of the world to confound the wise and the things which are mighty. (1Cor1:27) And he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.(2 Cor 12:9).
That said, we could all use your continued prayers. For Josh who must somehow help his wife fight battles he cannot see nor understand. For the boys who are robbed of a mom living at full capacity. I reckon a new phase of life with uninterrupted sleep, great health, and warmer weather will do wonders in bringing things back to ‘normal’.
Comments (1)
jocelyn, my love on ya!! we are out near swan river visiting steve’s folks and i love to go for a run down to the river. however, there are bears in the bush’s and for a stretch i have to run through a wall of bush . . . so i yell ‘BEAR’ every once in a while to let them know i am there and scare them off (the other day i yelled ‘bear’ and a deer came bounding out of the bush just milliseconds after the word left my mouth – that gave me a little heart stop . . . ). it occured to me yesterday as i ran that i was afraid of a bear encounter. then i began to think about why that would frighten me and one thing led to another in my mind and i began to have a little theological discourse with myself about fear and God and worry and what not. all that to say the verse that popped into my head was about the sparrows and how we need not worry because God KNOWS what we NEED. i pondered that for a while. he knows it and he knows they are needs not just wants. and that verse goes on to say the He WILL take care of us. i tend to think that God may or may not take care of me depending on a whole host of various factors. i realized that was pretty suspect theology. God WILL take care of me (not to be confused with protecting me from all sorts of bad things happening).
i will pray for you my friend and want to encourage you to continue to praise the Lord (shout it out at home as you do in worship services) even when there is not a fibre in your being that actually feels like doing so . . . you are loved mightily by a Father who knows your needs and will take care of you.
and for what it is worth, i love you too!
fiona